Posted on Oct 02, 2012
An official Auckland Council spokesperson this week announced that the Super City was no longer. Manukau City (and Papakura) are independent. They have their own bank accounts and ratepayers requiring services (sic) should approach those councils directly.
Whilst this surprise move caught many unaware, not all are disappointed. One East Tamaki businessperson was quoted as saying " We run productive businesses. A high exchange rate and bureaucratic red tape are bad enough but more than 1100 grey suits taking $100k plus salaries in the super city council is hard for us to support. I am sure the new Manukau Council will only pay it's employees the appropriate minimum wage". He then took another draft of his Mangatainoka beverage.
A knowledgeable source who wishes to remain anonymous said the move was the culmination of a complex manoeuvre to rid Manukau of the influence of Len Brown. "By forming a super city, and Kim Dotcom funding John Banks, Len Brown was ensured of becoming Mayor. Then Manukau is able to break away and return to a rule of paternalistic autocracy"
A deep source close to the royal representative assured us that Rodney Hide is now a shoo-in for a knighthood. "To be able to mastermind such a complex and Machiavellian plan certainly deserves higher honours". Even though Rodney has now been elevated to a purer form of labour as a contract gib-fixer, he leaves a lasting legacy in South Auckland.
As usual, some loser whinger was heard to say "It is just another victory for fat cat capitalists in their continued oppression of those who don't want to work" Further comment was unavailable as the moaner was already late for his WINZ interview.
The new Manukau Council now faces a major challenge in locating enough suitable baubles to decorate the new mayor. We understand the last set of mayoral chains was melted down to produce funds to feed last year's free campers in Aotea Square. All is not lost as Manukau is well endowed with scrap metal yards. There is sure to be enough copper laying around to create a new mayoral necklace. And used Japanese imports are plentiful to provide a new mayoral limousine.
The comments from the Auckland Council representative were in the context of discussion as to why penalties were being charged on late payment on rates paid on properties in certain parts of the Auckland Council area, when payments made at exactly the same time in other parts of the council area were receipted well before the payment deadline.
Other anonymous sources are part of a witness protection program.